I Have No Idea: Flying To China
by potato4
Summary: Ron's on his way to China! What happens when a worker tries to stop him, Luna's flying the plane, Draco's a flight attendant in a skimpy uniform, Ginny's sitting behind him, and Harry's in a superhero costume? THIRD PART OF THE "I HAVE NO IDEA" SERIES!


Disclaimer- I don't own Harry Potter, Starbucks, or Desperate Housewives.

A/N- Okay, this is the THIRD installment in the "I Have No Idea" series. The first one (I Have No Idea) is posted on my profile, and was team-written, but mostly written by me. The second one (I Have No Idea: The Sequel) is posted on potatofanaticwriter3's profile. She wrote it, I edited it. This one (I Have No Idea: Flying To China) was written by me.

The I Have No Idea series is parody/humor and is purely for reader enjoyment. Potatofanaticwriter3 and I have decided to make it a series that we will post installments on whenever we get bored. They might not all flow/make sense, because they are random like that.

Enjoy!

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Ron Weasley sat in front of his computer, pondering deeply about which plane to take to China.

_Golden Hawk has a good price… but Mesilla has those little peanut packets! Ooo! Northeastern gives out those little free pillows! This is so difficult… _

Eventually, he settled with Northeastern, and two minutes later, he was in the airport.

"O. M. G." Ron said. "Starbucks!" And it was upon this discovery that Ron was conned into buying a double mocha latte with a sprinkle of cinnamon, a cream cheese bagel, a cheap flip-flop keychain, a tabloid magazine featuring Hermione in a bikini, a little rectangle that flashed the word "Ron" and three pairs of sunglasses.

Suddenly, a voice boomed from above from a speaker. "All boarding the Northeastern plane flight to China must board in the next ten minutes."

Ron looked up at the ceiling. "Okay! I will do that!"

Ron walked to his entrance gate, and up to the little thing that you walk through to make sure you don't have any sharp things in your belt.

"Okay, sir, please walk through." The attendant said in a bored voice.

Ron frowned. "I don't appreciate your tone."

"And I don't appreciate you not walking through."

Ron put his hands on his hips. "Do you know who I am?"

"No."

"I'm Ron Weasley."

"Great. Now walk through."

"Harry Potter's best friend?"

"Don't care."

"Aided in the attempt to succeed the downfall of Lord Voldemort?"

"Cool name. Now walk through."

"No. _Stupefy!_" The attendant fell down in a heap. Ron walked through the machine-thingy. It beeped.

Another attendant approached him. "Sir, will you please empty your pockets?"

"No!" Ron said. "That's my private business!"

"Sir…"

"Okay, fine…" Ron pulled out an array of variously lengthened knifes, two bombs, and a box of matches. The attendant's eyes bulged.

"Sir, I'm going to ask you to take your pants off." She asked.

Ron looked indignant. "Now I know I'm irresistible and all, but let's start out slow, okay?"

"No, sir, we're trying to make sure you're not a killer."

Ron frowned. "I'm not a killer! _Avada kedavra_!" The attendant fell down as well. Ron smiled, grabbed his luggage, and boarded the plane.

His seat was nice and comfy, with those little pillows and a tray that pulled out from the seat in front of him. Ooo! What was that? It was a little paper bag full of… was that soup? Wait- wait… that was… "Ew!" Ron shrieked. He threw the puke-filled bag at the person across from him.

A moment later, a flight attendant appeared. "Sir, I'm going to ask you not to throw other's bodily fluids at fellow passengers."

Ron squinted at the attendant. "_Malfoy?_"

Sure enough, it was Malfoy, wearing the skimpy flight attendant uniform that consisted of a strapless top and a mini skirt. He also had one of those little hats on top of his blonde hair.

"_Weasley_?" He asked.

"You're supposed to be rescuing Hermione!"

Malfoy waved his hand. "Yeah, well, Potter and his stupid foam abs and bald cap took care of that."

Ron gasped. "He has my bald cap?"

"Dude- Get. Over. It."

Ron was about to retaliate when a little _ding!_ came from above and the captain's voice came on. It was soft and dreamy. "Hello. Welcome to Northeastern airlines. Today we will be flying to…. China. I think. It really doesn't matter, we'll get there eventually. Anyways, please fasten your seatbelts as I go over safety precautions. If we happen to crash, your complimentary pillows are super-absorbent and should take care of any nosebleeds. If we crash in water, our flight attendants have been trained to swim. We hope you have been too. The exits can be found on either sides of the- ooo! A Wrackspurt!"

"Luna's flying the plane?" Ron said in a dead voice. Draco nodded. "I wanted a vacation, not a ticket to suicide!"

"Well, you could've just apparated." Draco pointed out. Ron blinked once. Twice. Three times.

"Yeah, well you didn't know that there were stairs in Hermione's tower! So we've both made a dumb mistake!" Ron said. "Now go get me a cup of that cheap cranberry juice." Draco nodded and left. Ron decided to lean his chair back as far as it could go, bumping into the person behind him. She screamed. He turned around.

"_Ginny_?"

"_Ron_?"

"_Malfoy?" _A random voice said.

"What was that?" asked Ginny.

Ron waved his hand carelessly. "I don't know. But what are you doing here?"

"I live in China, Ronald."

"You do?"

"Yes! I married Harry! I was in your movie!"

"You were?"

"Your stupidity never ceases to amaze me."

"Hey, I had 431 people try out for the role of Ginny."

"And you didn't realize that the person who got the role was the _actual Ginny_?"

"No."

Ginny rolled her eyes. "Now I understand why Mum wanted a girl so much."

Draco came back. "Here's your cranberry juice."

"Malfoy?" Ginny exclaimed.

"Hey Weasley. I haven't seen you since we filmed that movie!"

"Malfoy, that was only six hours ago."

"Oh… right."

"And you call me stupid." Said Ron.

"Because you are, Weasley." Malfoy said.

Suddenly, the plane took a nosedive. "I'm sorry, passengers! I had to take a moment to scratch my nose and I let go of the wheel." Luna said.

"We are so dead." Ron groaned.

Ginny shook her head. "You heard Luna. They have absorbent pillows in case of nosebleed."

"Did someone say Harry Potter?" Harry, out of nowhere (*cough* again *cough*) appeared in his billowing red cape. (Honestly, the billowing was only coming from a fan two feet away.)

"No, she said 'nosebleed'." Draco said.

"Oh." Harry looked put down. "Well, better get back to saving Hermione. Oh, and Gin, when you get back to Jimbo at home, remember that bedtime's at 7."

"You left your son at home by himself?" Ron asked.

"Of course not! We had Voldemort watch him. He only charges 5 bucks an hour for baby-sitting. Something about needing frozen yogurt money." Harry shrugged. "Harry out!" And he disappeared.

"That was random." Commented Neville.

Ron blinked. "Neville? Where did you come from?"

Neville shrugged. "I was watching Desperate Housewives when this plot hole appeared in my living room, so I decided to hop inside and see where it takes me!"

"Oookay then." Ginny said.

Luna spoke again. "Attention all passengers. We are about to arrive in China. Wait- China's the one on to the right of Europe, correct?"

"Wait- we're there already? But we were filming in America. China's on the other side of the world." Ron said.

Ginny shrugged. "It's Luna. Anything's possible."

The plane suddenly dropped straight down, landing with a resounding "CRASH-THUMP!"

"Ow." Neville said.

"Hey! These pillows are good for nosebleeds!" Draco said, holding one to his bleeding nose.

Luna spoke. "Welcome to China!"

Ron frowned. "We're in China?"

"You. Are. Such. An. Idiot." Ginny said. And with that, she jumped out the plane door.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

A/N- I know, dumb ending, but potatofanaticwriter3 is doing the next installment on her profile. :) We are going to add new "I Have No Idea" one-shots whenever we're bored. Get used to it.

Just so you all know, the "I Have No Idea" series was originally going to be Dramione, but we got sidetracked. MY next installment will be Dramione. This one is not, because I wanted to try out Ron. Potatofanaticwriter3 doesn't really have a favorite ship, so who knows where she will go.

REVIEW! Yay!

~Potato


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